Everyone in the house knows that I live in a separate room. At first the elders questioned this but when the conversation tilted to Urvi's side and that it will take time for her to get comfortable with me , things settled silently and somehow its a good thing that I am not staying with them in the same room.

There are things that I must keep separate and unseen from the man named - Dhairya.

Its half past ten and the entire mansion is already asleep. Who sleeps this early though? I can never think of slumber before midnight.

But the actual reason that I am still sitting in the couch wide awake , wearing a long night dress with a scarf around my torso is that I have to give Yuvraj's report to his parents by the end of this week.

The guy is doing good and is regular to his therapy sessions since three weeks. His behaviour has changed enough that his parents called me and thanked for the way I am helping him and as a psychiatrist I simply gave a kind welcome and thanks for the appreciation.

Sometimes all this gets too much for me. The way I have to act no-

" Maggie? " I don't know when Urvi entered my room but right now she is right in front of me with a pink teddy bear clutched to her chest.

" Urvi , why are you awake this late? "

She pouts at me and speaks in her cute voice, " Papa went outside to bring water but isn't back yet. "

A frown creases my brows.

It's not that late.

Not even near midnight and he can't be this stupid to risk it this early. What if someone sees him?

" You wait here , donut. Let me see where he is. " I walk out of the room giving her my phone to play.

Lights in the house are glowing as always and the eerie silence gets interrupted by the rhythmic tune of my anklets as I walk down the stairs looking around the place.

Dhairya has been doing great these days. He barely walks to the backyard now. Even as my taunts and unnerving sass shoots his nerves now and then , he still controls it.

And , this can't be possible right now.

Even if he is there , it's too god-damn-early for this mess.

The night I opened that small wooden door - many things came to the surface.

It was as if I was shovelling up dead secrets and lies.

My husband isn't aware of it but I very well know him now. And even if he knows what I am doing to him - he can't control much.

My ears alarm up when I hear a metal clinking in the kitchen and the heaviness washes away when I see Dhairya in the kitchen.

A black shirt and white shorts and no bl-

" What are you doing here? " I ask before my mind can shove me into the darkness that whispers into me like night howlers.

His black eyes snap at me and an unpleasant emotion washes my chest. " Why do you look at me as if I am the most displeasing creature of this planet? "

" Because you fucking are! " He growls and I glance down and see him brewing coffee.

Who drinks coffee this late and especially when you are already suffering from insomnia.

" Didn't I tell you to talk to me properly? " I question. This is the most asked question from my side.

Even if I repeat the same thing , the anger in his eyes only increases.

" Stop ordering me you bitch! " He snarls and I can see grip over the mug getting tight.

The more I will push you , the better control you will get on yourself , dear husband.

Silence falls between us and the tension is getting thicker.

" Mannerless man! " I scoff a dry mockery standing by the entrance of the kitchen.

" Shut the fuck up , Meera! " His body has started to tremble in anger and I feel bad for the dear cup. It's probably going to break.

" Meera? First bitch then Meera? Why call me by my name when you can shower me with such beautiful nicknames , dear husband. " Sarcasm drips down my words and I can hear the ticking alarm in my head.

I can hear the whispers.

Don't push him.

He is like any other man.

All men are same.

Echoes in the darkest of my head resonate through me like loud vibrations.

I should stop now.

Those eyes are getting more fiery.

My way of controlling him is not the right way but the best way so it is what it is.

I shouldn't stop.

" You want a death wish , girl? " He questions. His bulky figure turned towards me.

Dark orbs match his beautiful and dense dark locks. But right now he doesn't look handsome ; more like a beast.

" Stop yelling at me , Dhairya-

He bangs the mug against the counter and somehow it doesn't break but the next thing happens is what I must care of more.

Dhairya dashes towards me and before I can make a move my throat is in his hold and back pinned against the cold wall. And the force is so strong that my head bangs against the wall making a painful whimper fall out my lips.

" No one and I repeat no one dares to fuck with me ! How fucking dare say it from your filthy mouth. " Pitch black eyes. - Bottomless , scary. The ones that hold too much of emotions yet at the same time show none. The ones that have seen too much that sometimes the truth spills out of them like dark cursed water.

" W-What are you d-doing- " I barely complete the sentence when his grip tightens on my throat and face leans closer . My hands grab his arm that holds me up from the ground.

I have to free myself.

*Gasp*

" Fucking hell! " He roars.

I can't breathe properly anymore.

I pushed him too hard. But maybe he could handle more. I thought - maybe - maybe he was getting better.

But then why this much angry all of a sudden?

" Dh-Dhairy- " he pushes his thumb into my windpipe and I am gasping for air with teary eyes.

No. This can't happen.

He is losing it.

He can't.

But.....I can't breathe.

My skin ripples from heat.

Blood rushes to my face and all I can see is red.

This has to stop or we both will regret it.

What started as something safe will get harmful.

" Why do you keep pushing me? Why? Why do you like getting on my nerves , Meera! I am not a mannerless man but not a good human as well. Don't fuck with me , girl. Do- "

" D-Don't let it w-win. " I breathlessly speak. My nails digging into his skin.

This is getting unbearable but I have to stop it quickly.

THUMP

" Stop talking! " He thunders. His face a few inches away from mine.

" N-No. Listen t-to me! " I cry out , tears rolling down my eyes.

I won't die. This pain is nothing.

I don't get hurt.

I feel nothing but this body isn't prone to how my mental and emotional state it.

When the lungs get deprived of the oxygen they will collapse even if I can handle the agony emotionally.

" I said stop talking!! " He shoves me against the wall ones against , more harshly and my eyes roll back from the burning in my chest.

I try to remove his hold by wriggling and thrashing and digging my nails that have now broken his skin and are making deep red blood trickle down his arm but this huge guy doesn't budge.

" F-Focus , Dhai--rya~~" a barely audible whisper tumbles down my tongue.

I can't breathe no more.

I can't breathe at all.

It's burning.

My lungs , my chest , by heart , my insides.

They are boiling up.

Dhairya is losing it.

He shouldn't!!

He shouldn't He shouldn't He shouldn't!!!

The vision around the corner of my eyes starts to blur.

Finally, my physical self is giving up.

But I look him in the eyes. I have to talk to him through the cracks that are opening up.

He can't let them free.

" Lower those filthy eye balls! " He grits his teeth. The hot minty breath fans across my face along with the strong cologne that is all around his room.

" L-look at m-me~~ " I can no more speak above a whisper that ends in mid air.

He can't fall into this trap like other weaklings.

No. He can't!

Listen to me Dhairya. Come on , look in my eyes. Listen to what I want to say.

This is for you.

This is for your best!!

Listen.

THUMP

My heart is banging against the ribcage. It's screaming in my ears. Loud and clear.

Come on , man ! Come on.

Please!

" Stop staring at me like that , Meera!! " He yells in the stuttering cold silence and I feel my eyelids flickering.

No.

THUMP

Look into my eyes , Dhairya.

Listen to them.

You can't lose.

THUMP

Not after this long.

You have controlled it for years.

Don't let everything crumble into ashes.

No.

No no.

Nononononoooo.

God-damn LISTEN TO ME!!

I fall on the freezing ground with a thud and gasp for air clutching my throat while coughing harshly.

Light comes back to my vision but in hallucinating dots.

It takes me a while to contain my breath and posture before I look up at Dhairya who is glaring down at me.

He squats down and levels our eyes together.

His fierce and cold and hollow while mine- hazy and teary and blurry.

" Stop messing with me Meera. " He warns. His tone so cold and deep that a shiver rolls down my spine with my lungs still burning and throat parch.

My chest is heaving up and down inhaling as much oxygen as possible but the heat that radiates from him makes my insides melt like magma.

I am not lava. Not something that boils over surface , in front of someone.

I am the agony and force that rolls and boils and bubbles beneath the surface.

I am that magma.

" You know what I am. But don't try your psychotic tactics with me. They won't work-

" They are w-working. " I meddle in between through heavy huffs and steel my spine even though my bones are quivering under my flesh.

" What? " He frowns.

" I said..... My psychotic tactics are working. " His upper lip twitches into a snarl but before he can say what he is about to , I spill what I am left with.

" You don't go to the backyard frequently now. " He visibly flinches. " You don't. " I smile tiredly. This journey is long -- too long. In fact we have just started. Yet it's a good start. " Not anymore. "