'W-Why? '

' I-It was a mistake. I....I am sorry. '

' You....how could you do that?? Don't you have shame??'

' sorry , Meera- '

' Don't you dare call my name from your filthy mouth !! '

' .......I .... I am your uncle, dear. Why are you talking like this? '

' My uncle? Aren't you ashamed o-of what you did??? '

' I am....I am sorry. It....It was dark. The room was dark. Y...you know I am not lik-

' You are a MONSTER!!'

My own scream from years ago prickles my skin as disgust and fury infuriates my insides slowly.

It's getting difficult to breathe. My hands are trembling , I am feeling very cold and even this furry jacket isn't able to help the chills that are running down my skin.

This is bad.

Years have passed. What I had thought was gone- still lingeres inside me. That fear , that disgust , that heaviness in my chest , that rapid breathing , those mini panic attacks , those hallucinations and flashbacks , they are all hitting again.

I never knew that this could be triggered again. After all these years of medication , therapy , pain , endurance and self-loathe - I had thought it was all gone but no......I was wrong.

Now , when I am curled up in the bed all alone shivering in cold and catching my lungs , I realise how doomed I and everything is.

Uncle said it was a mistake. He begged and cried and apologized but was it enough? Could it ever be enough?

A sorry can not change what he did.

A sorry can't undo what he has done.

Million and billions of apologies can't undo what he has done let alone a single sorry.

He said that he couldn't see because of the dark and had forgotten in the flow of the time.

I say the same thing to Tanvish.

Because....after all these years I think that maybe my uncle was right. It was infact dark. Maybe he didn't remember. Maybe he actually forgot that there was someone else.

Tanvish does not believe it. He still hates my uncle for what he did but can't do anything about it because no one knows it except us.

Honestly , I wasn't planning on telling Tanvish at first at all but he saw blood running down my thighs and a blade in my hand in the washroom.

That day he saw what I had done to myself in self-loathe. He saw the slits , those deep cuts that I always striked on myself because of how painful it was getting to keep it in my chest.

It was getting terribly unbearable for me to handle it emotionally so I tried bringing it out physically and ended up letting Tanvish know.

He was scared for me when he saw me in that state. He was just fifteen at that time and I was twelve.

My brother is strong though. He helped me get better. He was always there close to me , hugging me to sleep at nights , being there for me all the time whenever I needed him.

He used to say ' I am one call away. Call me , call my name and I will be there little sister. '

I still remember the morning of my twenty third birthday. A panic attack had suddenly started to hit me and I was barely able to walk so I called him but I wasn't able to speak properly yet.....Tanvish was there within ten minutes.

That day he had a very important flight for an abroad meeting yet he didn't leave. He stayed.

After what happened at the age of twelve , I started getting away from people. I made distance with my family , especially with my father because somehow I hated the thought of him being my uncle's brother.

I always thought that if my uncle can , then my father can as well because they are brothers and I would die if my father did anything like that to me.

I know this is insane of me and that I shouldn't think like this but , I couldn't stop this thought and it hit me again and again even if it makes no meaning.

And this distance turned into two different worlds slowly. Years passed and the distance between us increased. My mother , my cousins and other family members , they all started staying away from me.

I was all alone by the age of fifteen but my brother never left me. He understood me. He understood my emotions , and my mind.

Since then he has been my savior but as time passed I realised that he has his own life. He is married too. And will have a child someday soon , I hope. So it's good to stay away and endure it on my own.

That's why , I didn't go to the Roy Residence and came here.....at my house in the woods so that I could get normal here without troubling my brother anymore.

He has done more than enough for me in all these years and I can't put him in more trouble now.

Tanvish.....he is the best brother but somehow I can't love him.

I can't love him at all.

It's not about what others do for you that makes them important for you , it's just your own selfishness that gives these emotions and feelings a name.

He loves me. I know it. I.....I too want to love him but... annoyingly I can't and he knows it. He knows that I can't reciprocate what he does for me yet he loves me like his little sister till this day.

Sometimes I hate myself for it and feel guilty about it. The guilt is too much for my chest. It makes me deprived of breathing. I feel suffocated. As if something has blocked my windpipe or if I am being drowned into an ocean where there is no way out of this guilt.

A soft sob reaches my ears and it takes a few seconds for me to realise that it is from me. Another sob and sniffle follows with moisture leaking down the corner of my eyes.

There is no one here. I am all alone. This house has absolutely no one here.

I had built it here , especially for moments like these where I needed isolation but till now I had never come here feeling low or sad but look.....

How stupid I was to think that everything is fine now.

Years have passed and so has the pain -is what I thought but I was absolutely stupid.

When Dhairya came close to me like that , I felt like throwing up. My insides were burning up. I.....I felt like killing him.

I felt like ending his life. His dark eyes that reflected my expressions - I wanted those orbs to get cold and emotionless and void of blood flow and the aura they behold.

Disgustingly , I wanted to gouge them out of their sockets and plunge a knife in his chest to stop him from making me feel like that.

" Meera? " I freeze.

My heart is in my mouth , my figure curled up as I lay on one side with tears pooling down over the sheets.

" You ran away? " I look around and then my eyes lock at those orbs that I just thought of ripping from their sockets.

Dhairya is standing in front of me. He is wearing black pants and a navy blue shirt.

His jaw is locked in a pissed expression. The one that he always has whenever I act disobedient.

" D-Dhairya?? " My voice is barely audible to my own ears.

" Yes. You ran away , Meera. You always do that. " He says standing by the door.

" How...H-How are you here? " I ask , not able to move from my position as if I am caged , locked , stuck.

Hot tears run down , wetting the matress.

" You are just like you were when your uncle did that. You are hiding the way you did then. You are running away. You are lying to everyone and to yourself. " His words make me frown and slowly his figure starts to turn into a heavy black smoke.

" You know he did wrong. " Dhairya walks closer to me. His words getting louder and deeper and I want to move but I can't. It's....It's stuck. I am stuck!

" You should've told the truth. He needed to be punished. An innocent life is gone because of him. You are like a dead corpse because of him! "

I am crying harder. My lips trembling and figure shivering. It hurts in my chest. It hurts so bad that I am getting numb.

" You know you did wrong by hiding it. " He leans to my side and whispers in my ear.

" S-Stop it. " I stutter. My limbs are getting limp.

" Why? You are in pain. He is the reason. "

" N-No.... "

" He destroyed your life. He deserves to die. He must be dead. "

" Stop i-it. " I am desperately frowning in agony. It's seeping down in my heart. I feel as if someone is ripping my insides.

" You hid it. And now you lie. You lie and say that it wasn't his mistake. " Dhairya is cruelly close to me and that disgusting feeling is clawing at me again but I can't MOVE!

" Stop it....please~. " I cry out throwing my head back in unbearable ache in my chest and body.

This is worse than physical torture.

" Oh no , dear. What he did wasn't a mistake. It was a sin. So what if he is your uncle? He is still a monster. He did wrong!!!"

" Stop! Please. " I am begging. Why isn't he stopping? Can't he see that it's hurting me??

" Please , please...please....stop it-

" Why? Why? He did wrong. He hurt you. You ruined yourself because of him, Meera. You tried killing yourself because of him! He deserves to die! He is a monster!! He is a ra-

" STOP ITTTT!!!!!! " I scream at the top of my lungs squeezing my eyes shut.

I am losing it. Now I am practically shaking with loud and shallow gasps leaving my dry and aching throat.

My lungs are burning. Eyes are wet and soul is a mess.

What....what did I do?

I.....How could I do t-this?

It takes me minutes to come back to myself and as I slowly blink and open my blurry eyes - he is gone.

Dhairya is gone.